Alex, Dear … I’ve been on four dates with a guy who is perfect on paper. He’s kind, stable, and we have great conversations. But I’m just not feeling that “lightning bolt” spark I’ve had with past boyfriends. Should I cut my losses now or keep trying? — Searching for Static
A: Static, let’s get real: That “lightning bolt” you’re chasing? It’s usually just a red flag with better branding. In my experience, people who obsess over the “spark” are often just addicted to the anxiety of a new, unstable attraction. You’ve likely spent years dating “electric” people who left you burnt out and wondering where it went wrong. Now, a healthy, consistent man shows up, and because he doesn’t make your stomach do somersaults of uncertainty, you’re calling it “boring.”
If you’re waiting for a choir to sing and the room to spin, you’re going to be single for a very long time. Stability is an acquired taste, like black coffee or a good scotch. You’ve had four dates. That’s barely enough time to learn his middle name, let alone build a soul-level connection. Stop comparing him to the toxic “highs” of your exes. Give it two more dates. If you still don’t want to kiss him by then, fine—let him go so he can find someone who actually appreciates a man who shows up on time. But don’t you dare throw away a “perfect on paper” guy just because he didn’t give you a panic attack on the first date.
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